Don't let me go
by Totallyawesomegeek
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are at a crossroads. Let their love die or fight to their last breath for their marriage? When everything seems to be over, something unexpected forces them to get back together and face their demons. It will be a journey of discovery for both of them, which will lead them to rediscover their love and understand that perhaps all is not lost.
1. Let me go

An: hello everyone. This story is the sequel to my one-shot, "Where'd you go". If you haven't read that I suggest you do. Though it's not strictly necessary, it will help you understand the first chapter better. Plus, it's a very short fic, so it shouldn't take too much of your time.

Have a good read.

1

_A room full of darkness__  
A broken heart__  
And only me to blame__  
For every single part_

"Blaine is gone."

That was the first thought that crossed his mind when his eyes opened. He was laying on the bed, his cell phone in his right hand, in the other was the ring that his husband had left behind.

He had no idea of how much time he'd spent laying there like that. Minutes, hours, days. Everything was a blur. Every single emotion he had was tangled with all of the others and stuck in an inextricable skein.

The hurt for having lost the man he loved above everything else, the guilt, because he'd known the end was looming ahead of them, drawing closer with each passing day. He'd seen Blaine lose his will to fight, heard his voice become more resigned and distant every day. He'd listened to his father's reproaching lectures, week after week, worried about their marriage.

And then there was the anger. The fierce, burning rage directed towards Blaine, but

also directed at himself. Because he knew Blaine, and that he could have forced him to talk. He knew that they could have fixed everything, if only they had found the courage to admit that things between them had gone awry.

But neither of them had been courageous, and this was where it left them.

His hands were shaking as he dialed the number what seemed to be the thousandth time.

But Blaine's cell was still disconnected, and slowly a feeling of pure panic seized him, because Blaine was nowhere to be found. Not with Kate his assistant, or at least that's what she had told him, his dad hadn't heard from him. Wes and David had no idea where he was, and calling every single hotel in New York couldn't be an option.

He could do nothing but wait.

Waiting for what? He had no idea. A call, a message, a knock on the door maybe.

The silence of the room was getting on his every nerve. It was unbearable.

The tears had stopped streaming down his face, but somehow that hurt even more.

Maybe he should have gone out searching for him, he knew Blaine's favorite places. His favorite restaurant, the corner of Central Park where he used to go every Sunday morning, the little coffee shop where they used to have breakfast at every opportunity that arose during their college years.

Things were very different now.

Those days seemed so far away from the moments they were living, the two kids that had lived them were completely different from the men they had become.

They hadn't gone back to that little coffee shop anymore for a long time; they had always been too involved in other things.

The shrill sound of the cell phone startled him, brought him back to present. He answered, without even checking the ID, his voice breathless.

"Blaine?"

On the other end of the phone there was only silence. Not even a sigh.

"Blaine" he tried again. He looked down at the screen to check the number. It wasn't familiar, but he knew it couldn't be anyone else. It _had _to be Blaine.

"Blaine" he whispered. His voice was shaking. The lump in his throat was becoming larger by the moment, and the tears that seemed to have run out started up again.

"I had to let you know I was safe."

Blaine's voice was insecure, like he had no idea of what he was doing. Rough, probably from all the crying.

"Come back home. Please" Kurt begged with a sigh.

There was moment of silence that screamed unspoken regrets.

"I can't."

And Kurt just knew in that moment, that he would have preferred to endure the fires of hell than to get that answer, anything to have not heard that answer. He knew what those words meant. They meant that Blaine couldn't come home, because he didn't feel like he had a home with Kurt anymore, because he didn't feel like he belonged in Kurt's life. He knew as well that he couldn't just let this go without a fight.

"We can talk about it, we can fix this. But we can't do anything if you don't come back. We can't put the pieces back together if you're not here with me."

His words were returned with a sigh, followed by another seemingly endless span of silence.

"You have no idea..." Blaine choked. "You don't know how much I would like to come back to you, but I can't, Kurt. All I can do is think about how long we let this go without talking, all those months of being lonely. And on _Christmas day_" he said, his voice shaking. "I was here, alone, while you were out living your wonderful new life, with your job, and your new friends and without me. I was here alone on Christmas, watching stupid movies, and it was like I had no husband. It was like I haven't had a partner for half of my life."

Kurt wanted to scream, to yell, to hit something. Because what could he possibly say to that? That it was work? That he'd done it for them? That it would have been worth it in the end? It didn't matter that he had spent his Christmas working. He'd had his co-workers to keep him company and a party to attend at the end of the day. While Blaine was, for some unfathomable reason, home alone instead of being in Lima with their family.

Then he stopped himself, because he knew the reason. Blaine had been alone because _he_ had left him alone. And, like the coward that he was, had sent a text message to tell him, instead of having the guts to at least speak to him.

In his heart he had known that his choice had broken them. He knew that the fact that Blaine hadn't answered the phone that night meant that forgiveness was out of the question.

"I'm sorry."

"I know." Blaine responded quietly.

Kurt knew they were at a crossroads, but he had no idea which path to take. They could take a break, not talk to each other for a while. Maybe try to forget. Or, they could fight together. Discuss, yell at each other but never lose hope. Never lose their love.

"Come home Blaine."

He already knew what Blaine's answer would be, but he just had to try again.

"I need time. I need to find myself again. Fix my life."

"So you're breaking up with me, without even giving us the chance to try it make it work?"

It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that. But in that moment everything was amplified, everything hurt. It was killing him.

"I wasn't the one who let go, Kurt." Blaine's voice was now hard, cold. "I came to see you every time I could. Did you do the same? Can you honestly say that you did everything you could to save our marriage?"

"You are not giving me the chance to!"

It was not an answer to Blaine's question, but it was everything he had. He wasn't ready to take responsibilities. Not yet. He knew he'd been wrong. He knew that though Blaine hadn't spoken up, he had some of the blame too. He had invested too much in a job he didn't even like. He'd chosen to stay and work at the magazine rather than to go home for the week-ends to his husband.

Blaine's sigh on the other side of the line brought him back to present.

"I gave you so many chances to," He said with an air of finality. "listen, I need to go."

Where? Kurt wanted to ask. Where are you? With who? Why you have to go instead of coming home and trying to fix this. But he knew his questions wouldn't have been supplied with an answer.

"Will you call tomorrow?" he asked instead, his voice shaking, heart beating manically in his chest.

Another sigh.

"I'll see you around Kurt."

Then the line went dead. The house was quiet again.

In the hurt of that moment, something gave him comfort.

The picture of their wedding, Blaine's favorite, was not on the nightstand anymore.

It was a picture of them dancing like idiots at the reception, their clothing and hair totally disheveled. Kurt hadn't wanted to put it in the wedding album but Blaine had it framed.

"It's me and you" He'd said. "Free of every social restraint and happy, it's just us."

It was just a picture, but he loved it more than anything else in the world now. It was the place in time he wanted to go back to.

Blaine had taken it with him and maybe, just maybe, everything was not lost yet.

* * *

An: and this is it for this chapter. Reviews and thoughts are greatly appreciated and incredibly needed ;)

The song at the beginning of this chapter is Let me go, by the very talented Gary Barlow. See you soon with the next update.

Hugs and kisses all around.

Mary.


	2. Incomplete

AN: Hello everyone! Here's another chapter of my little story. I'd like to thank my beta for the amazing job she's doing. She's amazing. Also, since I Know that many of you (including me) don't like to read WIP fics, I wanted to say that this story is already finished. It's taking sometime because it has to be translated and then edited. But it's done. Fifteen chapters. I'll try and be more regular in the updates.

In the meantime. Enjoy!

_2_

_Empty spaces fill me up with holes  
Distant faces with no place left to go  
Without you within me I can't find no rest  
Where I'm going is anybody's guess_

__  
The first hours were the worst. If Blaine had thought packing his things had been hard, taking off his ring had nearly killed him. He missed that ring now.. it was like he'd removed a fundamental part of himself. A kidney, his lungs... his heart would be the most accurate comparison, because the problem wasn't not loving Kurt, Blaine's feelings for his husband were strong and unchangeable. The problem was the wall built between them, and his inability to trust their relationship.

For the first time, he couldn't see a future with Kurt, he didn't see a nice house, their future kids, or the two men at the end of their long, happy lives, still together. What he could see was sadness, long days and even longer nights by himself stretching out before him endlessly. That was the reason he'd left his ring behind, because there was no meaning left in the promises they had made when they said "I do."

Making himself walk out the door had been worse. He knew Kurt would be home in a couple of days and he could picture the look on his husband's face when he discovered Blaine's absence. But Blaine knew he had to do it, for himself, and for both of them. They had lost their way somehow and their relationship had morphed into something that it shouldn't have been, a dead, empty shell of what had once been a great love.

He turned around, looking one last time at the empty house, his eyes dropping to the small table in the living room. The picture of their wedding was still there, he had moved it from the bedroom one night when the absence of Kurt had been too much to bear. He kept it close to his heart while watching their favorite TV show, trying to bring back some of the happiness he felt the day they were married.

He wanted to go back to that feeling.

He wanted the days spent in bed, eating junk food and watching stupid reality TV. He wanted back the absolute certainty of forever. Without thinking it over too much, he took the photo-frame in his hands. Maybe, having something reminding him of what they were would have helped him find his way back. Then with a final sigh, Blaine was out the door.

The journey to Kate's apartment was long and unbearable. Blaine counted, one by one, the miles separating him from his home, but he knew in his heart, it was the right thing to do. They needed time.

The look his assistant gave him, opening the door, was sad and understanding at the same time. "Blaine."

"I need a place to stay for a while," he said keeping his eyes on the floor.

"Come on in," Kate muttered grabbing one of his bags. She lead him to the couch, sitting down right beside him. "What happened?"

He could tell she was concerned, it was a show of affection he wasn't sure he could handle. "I left, " his answer was straight, simple, and it would have been enough, but he went on.

"He didn't come home for Christmas." Blaine could feel Kate's eyes on him. "He sent me a text, telling me he wouldn't make it," he explained with a sarcastic laugh, "God, we've been together fourteen years, and he used a text to tell me he wouldn't come home for Christmas. Like he was asking me to buy coffee or something else as trivial."

"Oh Blaine-" She cooed sympathetically.

"I know" he cut her off. "I know you warned me. I know I should have talked to him about it before, and made him understand how I've been feeling. But I didn't think... I'd never thought we'd end like this. I couldn't have imagine that I'd be left alone." He rubbed his palms against his eyes to shake the tiredness away. They were dry. It was strange how in the worst moment of his life, he had become numb.

Kate slid closer to him, taking his hand. "I wasn't about to say that," she insisted, "have you called him, have you talked to him?"

"No" he answered honestly, trying to convince himself that he had made the right choice. "No, I couldn't. It hurts too much. I would hurt him by saying things I don't mean."

"Or that you don't want to mean.." she trailed off.

"Kate.." he warned.

"Blaine please, listen to me." She said, not allowing any room for him to argue. "I know you love Kurt. I know your story, and I've witnessed some of the most important moments of your life. But he's being a coward! You were alone on Christmas, we both know that is not something the Kurt you fell in love with would ever let happen."

They fell silent. Blaine knew she was right, yet he couldn't force himself to face his husband. "I don't have the strength to talk to him," he whispered, his gaze not wavering from Kate's eyes. "I'm scared. I don't want to rush into things, just because I'm hurting."

"Like leaving home?"

"No, like letting him go forever." It was terrifying. Knowing that in that moment, in his mind, leaving Kurt forever was the right thing to do, something he'd never imagined happening. He closed his eyes, trying to move past that moment, to be strong. But then he felt arms around him, hugging him, and it was enough to make him let go. He cried for his marriage, for Kurt, for their love. He cried for those months of loneliness he'd spent trying to be strong. Now that the dam had broke, every emotion was rushing out of him, leaving him breathless and without strength. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he mumbled again and again.

Kate's voice was the only thing able to break through the hurt that was fogging his heart. "It's going to be ok, you'll see. You'll fix this, I promise." It was too hard to believe those words. He couldn't, not then when he was one step away from the end of his marriage and his heart was naked and vulnerable.

He couldn't tell how long they stayed there, hugged tight around each other, his tears flowing freely. But somehow, the hurt he was feeling changed. It became more tolerable, less raw. Constant and strong but over all less detrimental. "Thank you for being here for me." He said softly, it was less than a whisper and lost in a sea of heart-wrenching sobs.

"Don't be silly, Blaine." Kate said soothingly, "You're my best friend. I'll stand by you, no matter what."

Somehow, that statement calmed him enough so he understood. He wasn't alone, and he was grateful for that. For having someone to count on in the next few days, while waiting for Kurt to find out that he'd moved out. He knew he'd have to call his husband, to tell him that he was OK, but for now, it was over. He knew Kurt would understand, sooner or later. Because no matter what, he was still the person who knew Blaine better than anyone else in the world and he would understand that Blaine staying would have been worse. It was so much better this way, it was better for him to take some time to consider what to do. There was no need for feelings of hopelessness yet. Although that knowledge didn't stop him from locking himself in the room he was staying in to cry the last tears he had left.

AN: and that's it for now. Please please pretty pleeeeeease, let me know what you think .

The song at the beginning is Incomplete by the amazing BSB.

**In the next chapter: **Will Kurt explain his reasons?


	3. Who knew?

AN: Hello everyone!

I'm so, so, so sorry for the delay in uploading this fic, but I should be able to be more regular from now on. (Let's hope..)

This chapter is from Kurt's point of view, and enlightens some of the things that went through Kurt's head during the year he and Blaine have been apart.

Courtesy of Burt of course!

Disclaimer: I don't own the show or these characters. I'm simply having a little fun with them.

* * *

3

_If someone said three years from now_

_You'd be long gone_

_I'd stand up and punch them out_

_Cause they're all wrong and_

_That last kiss_

_I'll cherish until we meet again_

_And time makes it harder_

_I wish I could remember_

_But I keep your memory_

_You visit me in my sleep_

_My darling who knew_

"_I have no intention whatsoever of buying that monstrosity, Blaine. It's just plain ugly!" huffed Kurt trying to move on from the furniture store._

"_Oh come on. It's perfect" exclaimed Blaine pointing to the hand-shaped, bright pink loveseat that they were NOT going to buy. "Perfect for snuggling, watching a movie together under a blanket. To take a nap, before dinner." He moved closer to Kurt, reaching out for his hand and giving him a look, one Kurt knew all too well, as he continued. "We could do a lot of things on that love-seat," he suggested in a low voice._

_Kurt sighed. There was nothing that could better convince him than Blaine's suggesting voice, or rather, nothing more convincing than the implications he made with that voice._

"_OK" he conceded. "But... if we ever break up, I'm going to set this thing on fire, be prepared," he warned._

_Blaine's face lit up in an excited smile. "I like this plan," he announced, kissing Kurt in the middle of the street. It was quick, simple, but full of feeling. Something Kurt still wasn't used to, even after all of the years they had been together. "And I have no intention of leaving you, ever!" announced Blaine, taking his hands and leading him into the store._

"Kurt, it's time to wake up, buddy."

"Not yet, please," Kurt murmured unwilling to leave the happy memories of his dream.

He could feel his father's gaze on him, watching him closely. He knew that Burt wouldn't judge him, that no matter what, despite the opinions he had on his life and his choices, his father would support him.

"You you haven't left this bed since you've been back. It's been two weeks." Burt voice was kind, but firm.

Kurt looked at his father, trying to clear his sleep-rimmed eyes.

"Yes I have, a few times," he mumbled, hiding his face against his pillow.

He shouldn't have given Burt that spare key. Or Rachel. The last couple of days had been a vortex of visits and pep-talks, and pleas for him to get back on his feet.

He was contemplating the idea of ignoring his father completely when the older man started talking again.

"To do what, go to the bathroom?" he asked. "Or those rare times you decide it's important to eat? Kurt, this is no way to fix your marriage."

"And what do you want me to do?" Kurt asked sitting up, trying not to let his irritation show. "Blaine doesn't answer my phone calls or my texts. He closed his clinic indefinitely, and I have no idea where he could be. Nobody has spoken with him, and after that last phone call... I have no idea if I'm ever going to see him again."

Burt stayed quiet. Maybe, Kurt thought, it had finally gotten through to him, that there was nothing he could do, unless Blaine decided to come back home.

"You could take care of yourself."

_Or maybe not_, he thought with a sigh.

"Pardon me, if I don't have the strength to do anything. It's hard to get used to the idea of being alone after all this time."

He heard Burt sigh, and then felt the bed shift as he sat down beside him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nooo.." he wailed, covering his face with a pillow. He loved his father with everything he had, but in that moment, loneliness seemed like a pretty sweet deal to him. "I don't want to talk about it. I want to stay here, crying and reminiscing, and thinking over everything that went wrong."

"You're going to have to talk about it sometime," Burt answered back. "Wouldn't it be better for it to be with someone who loves you? Someone who's not going to judge you?" A heavy silence stretched between them for a moment, and then his father spoke again. "You knew things with Blaine were getting bad, didn't you?" It wasn't a question, just a simple statement. Burt had known it all along. He'd seen Blaine give up, maybe even before Kurt did himself.

"I hoped I was wrong," he whispered. "I hoped that if we pretended that everything was fine, we'd eventually move past it."

"But you didn't."

Kurt shook his head. "I pushed him too far away, I made him suffer and put up with so much, and then..." he stopped, trying to think clearly. "And then in last weeks, things got really bad. We barely talked. I didn't know what to do, so I buried myself with my work. I tried ignoring our problems. I knew Blaine was here, and that he would wait for me, and when I came back we'd fix everything."

Burt remained silent. Kurt knew his father. He knew Burt was giving him the chance to talk. To see things through.

"Then Christmas came," he went on, his voice no more than a whisper. "And I didn't have the courage to come home, I knew that things wouldn't be the way they were before, and that Blaine wouldn't be the husband I left a year ago. I convinced myself that there was no way that I could go home because I was needed at work, and I texted Blaine. I sent him a text, dad!" exclaimed Kurt desperate. "How pathetic is that? And now he hates me. He hates me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't erase the last year, or the fact that the most wonderful man in the whole wide world, has spent Christmas alone, when he should have been with me. Happy and finally together again" he cried.

That was what he regretted the most.

He knew Blaine didn't have many happy Christmases to remember. The ones with his family were often spent with his nanny or his brother, waiting for his mom and dad to come back from their business trips.

Because of that, it was only dinner that they got to have together.

It was the reason Blaine had loved being with the Hummel's on holidays so much. They were days dedicated to their family. It was something he'd never had, something he'd always wanted so badly that it hurt to see it finally in front of him.

"Blaine couldn't hate you." Burt's stated, bringing Kurt back to reality. "He'll come back eventually."

"I wish you were right."

"Has he ever given you reason to doubt that?" His father asked. "Blaine followed you to New York without a second thought. He waited for you, while you were chasing your dreams."

"You're not helping dad." Kurt said, trying desperately to make the conversation stop.

Reminding him of all the sacrifices Blaine had made for him was only making things worse.

"Trust your love, Kurt. Trust the life you've shared. Give him time. He's confused and scared that your marriage is over..." Burt trailed off with a sigh. Then he continued.. "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad but..."

At that point Kurt doubted that there was anything able to make him feel more miserable. That was until his father went on.

"Blaine lost his spark in this last year. He's become a shadow of himself. He couldn't sing, he couldn't smile. He wasn't living anymore."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kurt asked irritated, getting up. He reached the window, looking outside.

"Because you weren't here, Kurt. And if you want to fix your marriage you have to deal with the repercussions for your decisions. You have to know what you're going to find when you see him, because the Blaine you're going to see, is not the one you married. He will be sad, and hostile, and full of resentment. But it's just a mask, to protect himself."

"From what?!"

"From you, Kurt."

Kurt's eyes filled with tears.

"How could I do something like this?" he asked himself.

"You made some mistakes," Burt answered. "It happens to the best of us. But instead of facing them you decided to wait, you knew Blaine would wait. You couldn't have imagined that he would have given up. But tell me something," he said getting close to Kurt. "Do you still love Blaine?"

"With all my heart."

The question seemed almost an irreverence to him. How could he not love Blaine?

How could he not love the man that he was and the boy that he'd been.

The sixteen year old who gave him a gum wrapper ring for Christmas. The boy who'd saved every penny he could to take him to Paris for his twenty-first birthday.

The man who held his hand, without letting go through his father's first heart attack. They hadn't even been a couple back then, and yet Blaine had been there for him. By hugging him and holding him, he gave him the comfort he needed. By lending a shoulder to cry on and to sleep on while they were waiting for news from the doctors, he had given him hope.

The man, who had knelt before him, and asked him to be his forever.

No, he couldn't give up. Not now, not ever.

He didn't know how, but somehow he was going to convince Blaine to come back to him.

Nothing in the world was worth fighting over. Nothing was worth losing Blaine over.

"Thanks, dad" Kurt sighed, looking into his father's eyes. "Thank you for asking me what I was too afraid to ask myself."

Burt hugged him then. And Kurt held on as tightly as he could. Trying to find the strength to pick up his life back up. It was right then, that his cell-phone beeped.

A text. He moved out of his father's embrace to pick it up. Then his breath caught. It was Blaine.

In a moment, a million thoughts crossed his mind. What if Blaine had finally decided he'd had enough? What if didn't want to see him anymore? What if that text, contained the details of his divorce lawyer?

There was no way to know, but to read.

**Central Park, Sunday, 8:00 AM**

Nothing more, but it was enough.

Because finally, he was going to see Blaine after all these months. They could talk. And he could beg him to come back home.

He smiled.

* * *

An: and we're done for now. Review if you like and let me know what you think.

**In the next chapter: **Blaine and Kurt meet again!

Cheers.

Mary.


	4. Fire with fire

AN: hello there!

I'm so so sorry for the delay with this chapter, but I've been lucky enough to be called into work these two weeks and I haven't had the time to update.

Anyway, we're back on track now, enjoy!

4

_It used to seem we were number one_

_But now it sounds so far away_

_I had a dream we were running from_

_Some blazing arrows yesterday _

There was something in that little corner of Central Park that used to calm him down.

Maybe it was the silence of the early morning hours, when even "the city that never sleeps" seemed to take a moment just to breathe. A moment of rest.

Maybe it was the sound of the wind, rushing through the trees, light and delicate. Always there, always consistent.

Blaine used to love that place, that bench. He'd spent long hours sitting there, just enjoying himself and his life. Alone or with Kurt, drinking coffee or reading the paper, trying to figure out his problems.

That spot had a special place in his heart, it was like a magical place, hidden in the heart of the city, where anything could happen.

And yet, that morning, even his beloved bench couldn't weave its spell.

It'd been two weeks since the last time he'd spoken to Kurt. Long days spent in a constant mix of frustration and anger, and in between crying and desperation, there was loneliness.

He'd never felt so bad. He'd never thought he would lose so much.

The first days after that phone call had been terrible, trying so hard to stop himself from calling Kurt again.

He'd spent those days in bed, trying to survive the hurt he was feeling. Waiting for it to become tolerable.

But it hadn't been enough. It was clear to Blaine, that the only way to be able to move on was to see his husband again. To talk to him, and clear things up once and for all. Saying the things they hadn't said in the year they'd been apart.

"I noticed you didn't have your coffee."

Kurt's voice brought him out of his reverie. He lift his gaze from the ground.

It had been so long since he'd seen him and the image of his husband finally in front of him took his breath away.

Kurt didn't look much better than him. He had red-rimmed eyes, his face was even paler than usual. He was so close. Close enough for him to touch, close enough that he could reach his hand out and take Kurt's. Close enough to hug and to kiss.

He reached for the cup of coffee Kurt was handing him, being careful of not touching his fingers. He wasn't sure it was something he could handle.

He noticed Kurt was still wearing their ring. In a moment of extreme cynicism, he asked himself for how long that would be.

"Thanks," he muttered. He didn't have the courage to look him in the eyes. He could feel his heart beating fast in his chest, and his hands sweating. He could feel Kurt's proximity in his veins, it was like finally having oxygen in his blood.

He kept silent watching Kurt sitting by his side.

He could feel the anger rising again, they'd been together for more than a decade, and yet they didn't know what to say to each other.

When the silence became unbearable, Kurt cleared his throat.

"It's nice to see you" he started, then stopped.

They both knew it was a rehearsed speech. Kurt had probably tried every possible phrase in his mind on the way there. Blaine knew him. He could tell when his husband was forcing himself to talk.

He decided to ignore Kurt's gesture of politeness, and try with honesty.

"I wasn't sure, it was the right thing to do. Seeing each other again" he explained. He heard Kurt's breath catch and start again, faster than before. "But I was reaching the breaking point. Everything was getting worse. Every little problem seemed tenfold in my mind, impossible to fix," he continued looking right in front of him. "I needed to see you. I needed to know... to know where we are, what we are. If there's anything left to save."

He turned his gaze to Kurt, who was watching now with tear-filled eyes.

"Blaine..."

Blaine shook his head. He needed to talk. To say what was in his heart, before he lost his thoughts in a thousand different feelings.

"Right now, I feel like it's all over," he went on. "I can't see a future, I don't have any hope. I lost faith in what we were." He closed his eyes, trying to control himself. "I don't have faith in our love anymore." He whispered, almost broken. "I wish I was able to yell at you, to be furious. I wish I could bring myself to care enough to cry and hate you. Because even that, right now, would be better than this numbness that's lived inside of me for the past months." He took a breath, then another. "These weeks have been hell, Kurt. They've taken everything I had. There's nothing but this huge void inside of me. Sometimes it seems to take your shape," he kept his gaze on a woman who was jogging in front of them, following her with his eyes until she was out of sight. "I watched _A Christmas Carol_ on Christmas. I was sitting on our love-seat, under our favorite blanket, and every minute that ticked by, seemed to solidify in my heart that our marriage was over. You probably didn't even notice," he shot with a sarcastic laugh. "You were having fun, with the very people you said were petty. Which reminds me," he said, his voice now flat. "Someone was kind enough to post some pictures of that night on your page. You seemed to be having fun. Lots of drinks, lots of people. I thought you had work, but I guess I was wrong, right?"

He stopped, waiting for an answer.

Kurt was watching him. He seemed ready to flee.

"Wasn't I?" he asked again. "Didn't you have fun that night, Kurt?"

"Blaine.." Kurt whispered. "I will never forgive myself for that. For leaving you alone. I've been a coward, I know. I didn't want to face our problems so..."

"So?" Blaine stopped him. "You thought attending a party while I was waiting for you at home would be the right thing to do."

"I didn't know you didn't go to my parents house, I was convinced you were in Lima," Kurt tried to defend himself.

"Like I could have borne their pitying looks. Like I could have spent Christmas with a family that was not mine anymore," he whispered.

Kurt didn't seem to get the point. It wasn't just that he'd been left alone, but that Kurt had took away from him the only family he'd ever had.

Because he knew, there was no amount of love, that would keep Burt and Carol in his life, once their marriage was over.

"Blaine, look at me, please." It was no more than a whisper, but even with all the hurt he'd been feeling he couldn't keep himself from doing as Kurt asked.

"Burt and Carol are your family- I am your family. Even if right now, it doesn't feel like it. I know I made a mistake, but we can still fix this."

Blaine closed his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to believe him. That there was still a chance for them. But months of loneliness and hurt had taken the strength away from him.

He knew he was a different man now, he didn't see things the same way, he didn't want to love anymore.

"I'm not trying to hurt you," Blaine said then. "It's the last thing I'd want, no matter what. But I need to tell you this. I need for you to hear it, because we can't move on unless we put what we feel out in the open." He sighed looking Kurt straight in the eyes. "Our marriage is over."

"No, Blaine. Please." Kurt's voice was broken, tearful. It broke Blaine's heart. "I don't know who I am without you."

Blaine put his hand against Kurt's cheek, drying his tears.

"We'll find our way, Kurt" he promised. "You'll see. But to be us again, I have to be myself first. And I have to do this on my own."

"No, no Blaine please" Kurt sobbed. "What you need to do, is to come back home and face our problems."

Blaine recoiled.

"Like you did?" he asked.

Kurt shook his head. "Just because I made a mistake it doesn't mean you have to do the same. You say I left you alone, but you're doing the same. You gave up, Blaine, and you can't put all the blame on me for that."

Blaine knew he was right. "I should have talked to you" he admitted then. "You started this thing, but I didn't fight it. And this is not me. I don't know who I am anymore" he whispered, letting go for the first time of the tears he'd tried to hold.

Showing his feelings for the first time in front of his husband.

Then the silence fell between them. When Kurt tried to take his hand he stood up.

He knew there was more to say, and more to face, but he just couldn't anymore.

With a last look to the man he'd love above anything else, he turned around and left, without looking back.

* * *

AN : please please please don't kill me for this.. I promise you there's a reason for everything I do.

Review if you have a moment and let me know what you think. I live to hear your thoughts.

**Next chapter:** a major turn of events bring Kurt and Blaine together again.


	5. Tonight I wanna cry

AN: Surprise!

I usually wait to have a couple of chapters in from my beta before I update. But I was so happy about the last reviews, that I had to give you a little early present. So here it is, chapter five.

I have to warn you for some angst ahead, the kind I think you haven't foreseen, so I'm sorry in advance.

Remember I love you all.

Enjoy!

5

_Alone in this house again tonight_

_I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine_

_There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me_

_The way that it was and could have been surrounds me_

_I'll never get over you walkin' away_

Seven weeks, six days, thirteen hours ago.

That was the last time he'd seen Blaine.

They hadn't crossed paths when Blaine had packed his last things and had left him his keys, they hadn't communicated in any way to decide what to do about the expenses of the house.

Kurt had no idea how his husband was, where he lived, or with whom he lived with.

He had no idea if their situation was definite.

Blaine had told him he needed some time. How much? Kurt had no idea.

His father had called a couple of days earlier to tell him that he'd met Blaine for coffee. That younger man had wanted to apologized to him over his disappearance and for how things were between them.

It was clear- Kurt was the only one who wasn't allowed to talk to him.

That was ok with him, it really was, but he was becoming more impatient by the day.

His heart and mind were at war.

If a part of him kept telling himself that Blaine had waited for him, for a year, another part was more scared. Scared that waiting was the wrong thing to do. Terrified that the more time they let pass, the harder it would be to fix things.

He had to fight everyday to stop himself from visiting Blaine at his clinic. He wanted to see him so desperately it hurt. A peek would be enough, just to make sure he was ok. But he knew he had to wait. He knew he owed Blaine that much.

Now, two months later, his control was beginning to slip.

He'd moved on with his life, he'd found a job as editor for an online magazine, he'd gone out with Rachel and Santana a couple of times, but it wasn't the same. Nothing was right.

Kurt was missing the spark that ignited his life.

So he started walking to Central Park every Sunday morning. At the bench he knew was Blaine's favorite, fearing and hoping at the same time to meet him.

Nothing had happened.

After the third month, he decided that it was time to take matters in his own hands.

If Blaine didn't want to make the first move, it was fine. It would have been up to Kurt to force him to talk to him again.

He'd go find his husband, after hours at the clinic, he decided one night. They would talk, and maybe they would yell, and surely they would fight. But everything would be better than this hideous silence.

Decision made.

A phone call changed everything.

The clock on the nightstand showed it was barely 4AM, when the shrill sound of the phone woke him with a start.

Kurt knew, a late night phone call, couldn't bring any good news.

He'd learned that lesson when he'd been eight, and the phone had rang through the silent house, to announce that his mother was no longer with them.

Or ten years later, when Burt had called at 2AM, to tell him to pack, because his brother Finn had been in an accident.

So Kurt knew, without a doubt that whatever the reason, phone call in the middle of the night would hurt him in some way.

He wasn't wrong.

The phone kept ringing.

Kurt sat up in the middle of the bed, his heart pounding in his chest. A million questions raising in his mind.

What if it was about his father? He asked himself. What if Burt had another heart attack? What if this time he hadn't survived?

He reached for the phone, his hand trembling.

"Hello?" he asked warily.

"Mr. Hummel?" asked a tired voice on the other side of the line.

"This is him," he replied while his sleepy brain tried to make sense of the words he was hearing.

"Mr. Hummel" the woman continued. "My name is Beth, I'm calling you from the Lenox Hill hospital. We've admitted a couple of hours ago a Mr. Blaine Anderson? You were listed as an emergency contact. Is that correct?"

"I..." Kurt stopped, incapable of going on. All his brain could process was that Blaine was in a hospital, most likely injured. Fear gripped every part of him leaving him breathless. It was 4AM and Blaine was in a hospital, it was 4AM and Kurt had no idea how to snap out of his own mind.

"Is he ok?" he finally asked in a whisper. Because it couldn't be, could it? If Blaine was dead, he would have known. He would have felt it.

He would have recognized a world without Blaine. The earth would have stopped moving, and the sun shining. His heart would have broken into a million pieces.

He would have felt it.

"Your husband is stable," the woman, Beth, answered. "But we need you to come here as soon as possible. There are decisions to make, and the doctors need to talk to you."

"What happened, why was he admitted? I don't understand.." he murmured confused. "It's the middle of the night, what happened?" he asked again.

"Mr. Hummel, your husband was found unconscious in his office. The night guard called for an ambulance. It seems he was assaulted."

It was becoming harder by the second to breath. Kurt tried to keep control of himself, to let fear not get to him.

Because after all Blaine was _alive._

"I'll be right over," he said almost on autopilot. "I'll be right over."

He couldn't remember much of the ride to the hospital. He didn't remember calling Rachel, who'd been there waiting for him when he arrived.

"Have you heard anything?" he asked almost jumping out of the taxi and running towards the admittance desk.

Rachel shook her head.

"They wouldn't tell me anything, I'm not a family member."

Her voice seemed to be resigned and Kurt knew why. Because they _were_ family. Him, Rachel and Blaine had been friends since high school. They'd always been there for each other. To deny Rachel that information was like they had denied him.

"Blaine Anderson?" he asked to the girl behind the desk, panic running through his veins. Because in the forty minutes it took him to get to the hospital everything could have happened.

The woman looked at him.

"Your name, Sir?"

"Kurt Hummel-Anderson" he answered. He didn't often use his entire name, but he was sure this way, he'd get to Blaine faster.

The nurse caught his relationship with Blaine immediately.

"Your husband is stable, Mr. Hummel." She moved her gaze to the double door that led inside the Emergency room. "Here's Dr. Miles" she announced watching the man getting closer. "He's the doctor who took care of you husband. Dr. Miles, this is Mr. Hummel-Anderson. Mr. Anderson's husband."

The man, not a day over fifty, with thick black glasses and grey hair, approached him with a worried look.

"How's my husband?" Kurt asked hoping to get more information this time.

"Your husband's condition is severe, but he is stable" the doctor answered, rubbing his eyes. "When he was brought in, he had multiple contusions which were most likely caused by a serious beating. We weren't sure how serious his condition was, but after a thorough examination we were able to discern some internal bleeding and stop it, he also had several bones broken and they ones that needed to be set have been. If things go as predicted your husband will recover completely. It will take time, and patience, but he will get there."

Kurt inhaled deeply, and for the first time in an hour he finally felt like he could breathe. Only when he felt Rachel grabbing him by the waist he realized his knees had given out.

"Can I see him?" he asked fighting his weakness.

The Doctor nodded showing him the way.

"Room 301. You have ten minutes, after that you can stay the night, but your friend has to go home, hospital policy. The police will probably want your deposition," he continued but Kurt wasn't listening to him anymore.

Because once he reached the door, the only thing he could hear was the sound of the beeping machines from Blaine's room.

He couldn't see him but he knew Blaine was behind that door. Blaine was there, hurt and unconscious, and Kurt lost his courage.

Rachel held his hand tighter.

"It's going to be fine," she whispered. "Blaine is strong. He'll pull through."

But her voice was unsure, and Kurt couldn't find any comfort in her words.

He let go of her and pushing open the door he went in.

The room wasn't much different from any other hospital room. White walls, white curtains, with cabinets. A chair was situated in a corner.

Too many different kind of beeping machines were disturbing the silence. Then his eyes moved to his husband and every other thought disappeared leaving room only to fear and despair.

Blaine looked, as cliché as that sounded, incredibly young in that hospital bed. His curls were covered in blood-stained bandages. His chest, naked, was covered in bruises and wrapped in a tight white stripe that was probably keeping his ribs together.

His hands were scratched, like he'd fought his attacker.

"Oh my God," he whispered while tears begun streaking his face again. He got close to the bed, taking the man's hand. "Blaine" he cried. "My love, what have they done to you?"

Sobs were know wrecking his body, but he let them free.

Because although Blaine was hurt, he was alive. And seeing him, in that moment, it seemed a miracle.

He couldn't breathe on his own, he noticed looking at the machines that were surrounding him. He touched his face delicately, trying not to disturb him then put a hand on his chest.

He knew there was a machine beeping in time with Blaine's heartbeat, but he needed that contact to reassure himself that Blaine's heart was still beating. That he was still there.

"You'll get better soon, you'll see" he promised. "We'll get you better in no time."

Then a thought struck him, leaving him breathless.

And what if Blaine didn't want him around for that? What if Blaine was still set on been apart from him? That their marriage was over?

"Blaine?"

Kate's voice brought him back to reality.

She'd entered the room silently, her eyes were full of tears. Kurt couldn't find the words to ease her fears.

"He'll be fine," Rachel reassured her. And her voice was so sure, Kurt found himself believing her as well.

Then there was silence.

"How has he been?" Kurt asked after a while.

Kate turned her gaze to Blaine then back to him.

"Like you, I'd imagine," she said. "At first he didn't talk much. He cried and yell, he used to close himself in his room for days. He broke a couple of vases that I loved," she said with a smile. "I'm sorry I lied to you, when you asked me where he was." She admitted. "Blaine thought it would be better that way."

When Kurt didn't say anything she continued. "Lately he's been calmer. Sad, but less desperate. He was making peace with himself. With his mistakes. He was talking about you more."

Kurt nodded without saying a word.

The truth was, in that moment, he was sure that Blaine was done with him.

He knew, on a purely egotistical level that Blaine crying less meant that he was getting over him. He was getting past their break up and moving on with his life.

"Blaine loves you."

He shook his head at Rachel's words.

"Love is not enough."

Love hadn't been able to keep them together. Love had pushed him to make mistakes and had pushed Blaine to let go.

Love in the end, had broke them.

"He loves you" confirmed Kate. "He just needs time."

Time, time, time.

It was the one thing Blaine had asked. The one thing Kurt was having problems giving.

He was impatient, and he was in love. Kurt didn't want to wait for "soon" or "a year". He didn't want a "never."

But looking at his husband, broken and unconscious, Kurt was ready to wait an eternity if that's what it took.

* * *

An: all done. Don't hate me pleaaaase. Or not too much at least. Let me know what you think. Your reviews make my day and inspire me to write more.

**In the next chapter: **Blaine wakes up.

Love to you all!

Mary.


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